My life is a whirlwind

My days seem to be neverending now, or at least drama wise.
My (ex) best friend and I are still not talking because of something stupid I did.

My support system?
My best friend and cousin Amanda. Even though there is 5 years between us there is no way anyone could tell. First of all because she looks my age, if not older, and secondly because we act like bestfriends and sisters. Because we really are. There sin't a thing I don't feel like I can tell this girl. She doesn't jude me, but if she thinks I am doing something stupid better believe she will let me know, and if the truth will hurt she puts it in kind words. Kinda like tonight with the boy who has my feelings all jumbled up.
I JUST DON'T GET IT. I try to be happy and when I feel like I am the wrold comes crashing down on me, I know it is God testing me, but at the same time i just don't understand why I can't be 100% happy for a few days at least.
I know that I am lucky for each breath I take and should be happy to wake up in the morning, and believe me I am. Life isn't fair and I am finding that out lately.


My grandmothers best friend just lost her husband Thursday. They had been married for 40 happy years, and he suddenly died of a massive heart attack. She had no idea she was going to lose her husband that day when she got up, and chances are he didn't know he was going to be taking his last breath that day. I understand God was ready for him, but it is just so sad how quick a life can be taken from this world. He was a good man, and had lived a good long life of 95 years.

That is what I want. I want a long life filled with happiness and someone I truly love, and that loves me. I won't say I believe in a soulmate, but I do believe in there being that one person for you that sparks a fire in your heart.

So.... there is this boy and he kinda has MY heart. I am so tired of saying that it is over between us and five minutes later being ready to talk to him, I feel like I put 110% in the relationship(that doesnt really exist) and he puts hardly anything. But when he does put something it makes my heart skip a beat. I know I am dumb for being interested in someone who won't make me their world, or even try to put me in theirs, but I just can't help it. I am BOY CRAZY.


http://youtu.be/e8neDjQoBMQ

Climax by Usher.
Parts of this song make me feel like my relationship with this boy right now.



New motto after today: TOYS OVER BOYS (LOGO PROPERTY OF CARYN SHIFFLETT)